you leave me high & dry

I don`t want to look at you, because if I do, I would never turn away. & you know what scares me now? The fact that you`re better than him & I`m just not sure if I`m ready just yet. At the same time, I don`t want to miss this chance. You`re more than just a handsome face. You really, really, really, really are.


He`s always, always the only one I think of in the middle of the night or in the wee hours of the morning but it`s 0230 now & I must say you`ve been on my mind more than he has. & I don`t know. I don`t know why it scares me so much.

I`m not sure if I`ll ever live to see the day I`m NOT confused. Ha. Fit, Fit, Fit. Tsk.


[edit]

Geez. I`m DEAD. I`m supposed to meet up with a gazillion people now that the holidays are here. People like Hidz, Aish, Frente, Hafiz, Sufi, Afiq, Iylia, Adly, Dahliah, Zaz, Riotgrrlz. I actually crossed out the dates I`m unavailable. I`ve got a month`s holiday BUT I only have 10 days to spare my loved ones & all those people whom I owe a meeting/party/clubbing/coffee/movies/shopping/catch-up sessions.

I`ll be busy babysitting Manesh at West Coast (God, it`s my first & I hope he`s not a brat, but I know he is) next week on my grandma`s behalf since she`ll be away to KL, & then there`s the sending & fetching Faiz to the Old P.A EVERY DAY from the 3rd to 7th for his Police Soccer Clinic thingamajig & I so have to come down for his match on the 8th. I`m such a good sister, I know. HAHA. I`ll bring a banner okaye. HAHA. & Riotgrrlz, if you`re available, please come down to Old P.A with Hazim or something on the 8th as well because Hadizul & Naufal are in it as well so I guess the entire family will be there. Rosnah`s & Rudin`s that is. HAHA. & I think it`d be fun to see the boys on the field. & you know, family bonding kinda thing. HAHAHA.

Then I`ll be busy with the day camps & trainings with Summerville for the kids next week onwards AS WELL & that`s like ALL OVER SG & then off for a trip to Bali & when I return, intensive gym trainings with Khairul, the gym guy. I`ve booked my gym slots. Omg it`s madness. I`ve got weights & endurance trainings. I totally need to get my body & fitness back before the touch rugby trainings in January. On a brighter note, I`ll be getting my pacs soon. They so have been long gone since I stopped track trainings. HAHA.

I know. It doesn`t sound like a holiday but I`m intentionally keeping myself occupied for ..we all know what reason. I`ll just sink into depression if I sit at home whole day long & allow you-know-what to affect me. & I think the theme for the holidays this round is... KIDS. hahaha

But from now till Sunday, it`s ME time. Me, books, SLEEP, TV. Nothing else.

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