Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
I figured I don`t allow ANYTHING to distract/disrupt/disturb my studies but i allow my studies to distract/disrupt/disturb ANYTHING & EVERYTHING & EVERYONE in my life. I`m glad tomorrow`s the last lec for this sem and we r done for the week and sem. i can`t wait to sit under the pavilion at my secret place tomorrow afternoon and find that letter i buried 3 weeks ago. I wonder if it`s still there. i`m determined to find it. 3 days of next week and i`ll be done with exams. tomorrow, when i climb the hill to sch, i`m going to remember each step i take and trace my path. I don`t know why I wanna do that but I will.
When I leave on the 2nd, I hope to leave a part of my memory behind and never look for it ever again. I`ll forget its existence and the existence of the amazing person who has created a huge impact on me. When I return home, I will be back with no sorrow because I`ve left it all behind for good. But I figured that wouldn`t work because it`s back home, back in Sg, where I had those memories. & how can I possibly have the heart to let go of something I tried building with love and devotion?
Last night, I refused to hug my pillow to sleep because I know I`ll cry if I do, and i`ll remember how each night I often wish I wouldn`t have to sleep alone but with him, in his arms. I refused to look at the carpark where he often picked me up or or dropped me off because I know my heart will drop if I do and I know I can picture us so clearly there. It`s like I can still see us laughing and giving each other our goodbye kisses. I refused to look at myself in the mirror because I know it will hurt looking at my reflection staring back at me. I refused to do so many things. But I couldn`t help it. I succumbed to all of my refusal and allowed myself to be in denial & when I woke up this morning, reality hit me hard & then my dam burst. Again.
I figured I don`t allow ANYTHING to distract/disrupt/disturb my studies but i allow my studies to distract/disrupt/disturb ANYTHING & EVERYTHING & EVERYONE in my life. I`m glad tomorrow`s the last lec for this sem and we r done for the week and sem. i can`t wait to sit under the pavilion at my secret place tomorrow afternoon and find that letter i buried 3 weeks ago. I wonder if it`s still there. i`m determined to find it. 3 days of next week and i`ll be done with exams. tomorrow, when i climb the hill to sch, i`m going to remember each step i take and trace my path. I don`t know why I wanna do that but I will.
When I leave on the 2nd, I hope to leave a part of my memory behind and never look for it ever again. I`ll forget its existence and the existence of the amazing person who has created a huge impact on me. When I return home, I will be back with no sorrow because I`ve left it all behind for good. But I figured that wouldn`t work because it`s back home, back in Sg, where I had those memories. & how can I possibly have the heart to let go of something I tried building with love and devotion?
Last night, I refused to hug my pillow to sleep because I know I`ll cry if I do, and i`ll remember how each night I often wish I wouldn`t have to sleep alone but with him, in his arms. I refused to look at the carpark where he often picked me up or or dropped me off because I know my heart will drop if I do and I know I can picture us so clearly there. It`s like I can still see us laughing and giving each other our goodbye kisses. I refused to look at myself in the mirror because I know it will hurt looking at my reflection staring back at me. I refused to do so many things. But I couldn`t help it. I succumbed to all of my refusal and allowed myself to be in denial & when I woke up this morning, reality hit me hard & then my dam burst. Again.
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