Thursday, August 23, 2007

crestfallen

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

I woke up from my nap with the intention and hopes of asking for the pictures. I should have known. I should have controlled my emotions better and not just sit & burst into tears when the 15 minutes was up and i still had NO answer from him. I don`t know what I`m left with now. Maybe just whatever`s in my mind. I`ve already been denied access to our private blog, and now I can`t have the pictures. I honestly hate to think that he`s deleted BOTH the blog & pictures. I can`t take this disappointment. You know, somehow, I`m just glad he doesn`t read my shit here and I`m allowed to express myself freely because there are so many times when I can`t find my words when I`m with him, though I`m dying to say what`s on my mind.

It`s been a long time since the first times. The first time we met, to the first time we kissed, to our first fight, our first good-bye, our first tears, to the last 'I love you.' People say you never realize what you have until you lose it. In a way, they`re right. In fact, they are. But I`ve never taken him for granted though he thinks otherwise, because I know that any day I could wake up and he would be gone. I just hoped so much it wouldn`t be soon. But now I miss all those things I never really noticed. Like how much I miss his hands holding mine and most of all, I miss his smile. No matter what was going wrong, all he had to do was give me that smile of his and somehow I knew everything was going to be all right. I haven`t seen that smile forever. I just keep hoping I`ll see it again so I can have that feeling that everything is going to be all right again.

I`m not all right. I`m anything but okay right now. I just keep wondering if I`m ever on his mind these days. Or if he ever misses my smile too. I wonder if he ever wakes up in the middle of the night hoping that we`ll be together again. I miss him so much. There`s nothing I can say that would ever make him comprehend just what he means to me. I want nothing more but to see his smile again knowing it`s for me. Me, me, me and me alone. I need something to hang onto and... I need him.


This is harder than I thought. It seriously is. Argh, Fit. Snap out of this please. You know you can.



I am a dreamer and when I wake
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be

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