When I was in a relationship with my ex bfs, I used to be agitated & brushed them aside each time they mentioned something about being insecured. I couldn`t understand what they meant & why they felt that way. & well, I simply thought they were just being foolish & out to annoy me. It happened with all my ex bfs & the ones I were seriously dating.
But NOW, after so long, I finally comprehend how & what they must have felt because this very moment, i AM experiencing it. & it sure isn`t a good feeling. I know being insecured, plagued by self-doubt just ruins a relationship little by little, in time. I have my reasons. But am I really entitled to feel this way?
I`m afraid my heart`s trembling now. That`s the truth, whether I like it or not. But my mind`s still enduring it all, telling myself to block such negativity. No pessimism. People are bound to linger & distract me, distract him, distract us. But if our bond`s strong enough, are we really gonna allow this to break us apart & bring us down?
Somehow, last night, I knew something was wrong, he`s keeping something from me. I swear his eyes were screaming to tell me something. There`s just SOMETHING. & the vibes he gave me, there`s just something that needed to be sorted out. & it didn`t help that he was unwell. I went to bed with such sucky feelings & now as I lie awake, the leftover is creeping in, settling down slowly down the pit of my wasted heart.
One thing`s darn sure. I need to rid this insecurities out of the windows of my heart before it ruins an almost perfect relationship. Now. Pronto. There`s no way I`m giving up on my faith & hope in us.
& I don`t quite care about what a certain someone says about me, about us.
On another note, when I read my trackmate, Farah`s latest entry on her LJ, I felt her. Each & every single word if it. From first love to insecurities to trying to build urself up again. Here`s a shoutout to Mag, Farah & Dila, u girls take care & hang in there, train hard!
I miss my track days with them, always full of laughter & love.
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