# 201

I am not boring. The day is. I am bored. The day cannot be.

Okaye i`m taking a break from mugging because all the MPO jargon`s driving me insane already. & yes, i`ll probably need a prosthetic arm on that day because there`s just SO MUCH to write. hahaha...i so can imagine myself like... okaye i`m done w this arm, next please. *twists and turns arm, drops it on the floor*....okaye lame..but it`s like i`m writing two and a half pages for one part of the question. ONE FRICKING PART. geeeeez. wait, i`m not even certain if we are required to write THAT much. i know we are supposed to write ALOT, but the right stuff of course. But surely not THAT much? Or is it coz me being the way i am, not the way i are...shit i hate that song. like what the heck is THE WAY I ARE?! u know what i`m talking about? That song by Timbaland. Okaye nvm. Point is, is coz me being the way i am, that is my long-winded self or do we really have to write SO much?!!!!! i mean i do beat around the bush alot sometimes. hahaha. bullshitting is what i do best, anyway.

okaye nvm. ahahaha.

derob

I just woke up from my nap. Sch was shit just now. It always is when it`s a Saturday coz that`s like our 2nd lec of the week for EB. Thank God it was the last time we`ll ever see her. I dislike her, u know. She`s a temperamental old lecturer -.-"

Well, it`s a BORING Saturday, really. Exams are in a week. So technically speaking, I HAVE NO CHOICE but to make love to my notes & books for the rest of today. Well, now i think BORING is an understatement. But nvm, i`m looking at it all on a positive note. I`m officially bf-less for today coz my other half has a Parkour performance at Cafe Del Mar later tonight & well, let`s just say i only managed to get hold of him for a few minutes early this morning. & that`s it. Yea, his performance is like later at 2200 or something but they`ve got to be there by 1000. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Saddening. Okaye i`m gonna be sappy now & say, I MISS HIM. i miss him so much that my heart aches when i chew on the gummybears he bought for me. okaye retarded. Anyway, the weather`s wet. & i wanna go see the darn fireworks festival thingamajig at Marina Bay. Guess i`ll have to make do w the pictures later since my sister`s going. Upsetting.

Before I whine further, i think i`d better stop. So see you guys in the next entry (:

(:

yesterday was shit. but today was hilarious. "this is a fake shooooow". "ini cerita bedekkkkkk". and we took retarded pics but it`ll probably be forever till i get my hands on them because someone`s comp broke down -.- ily, nonetheless :D

letdown

Goddammit nurul fitriyanna. what the fuck is wrong with you?! learn to be strong once more. find that strength again. and stop letting every single thing affect you.


Cause everything that you thought I would be

Has fallen apart right in front of you

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

And every second I waste is more than I can take

surreal

so there i was... with my trusted Asics on, my legs ran as fast as they could. so there i was... after 5km, down on my knees, panting. . . and everything negative just sort of faded away. dammit. it felt so darn good to run again. I miss those track & field days.

carefree

Ah. I miss rolling & laughing on the bed with my boyfriend. Roll roll roll & not care about anything. Those silly facial expressions, the laughter, the wrestling, talking about anything, everything. It`s like I`ve been led into his heart. We can lie on our sides and gaze deep into each other`s eyes & NOT say a thing, just listen to each other breathe & feel the poignant moment creep into our hearts & then we get lost in the heat of the moment. the silence overwhelms us too much and then tears start stinging our eyes. it`s raw emotions at its best. No exchange of words, just the intensity of gazing into each other`s eyes is sufficient for us to comprehend this inconceivable bond that we share. Oh I don`t know how to explain this. It`s like... just me & him & nothing else, noone else. No past, no ex gfs, no ex bfs. Nothing but the present. Nothing but that very moment. I feel joyful when we laugh & not care about the problems that we face. I miss how we`d still be able to hold hands & argue, inevitably trying our best to get our points across & not laugh. Yeah, it`s amazing how we can argue & yet try to find humour in our arguments. mmm. & i miss how he`d kiss my forehead after that. You see, we argue over the little things & let them affect us. Yes, we are retardedly & hopelessly in love like that.

I miss four months ago. I miss courtship. I miss playing hard to get. I miss getting butterflies in my tummy again. I miss those quarrel-free days. No tears. No sorrow. Just joy & love. Most of all, I miss how we were. Now I wish the Sun would shine soon & the stormy clouds will go. & i miss the bubbly nurul fitriyanna. Now where did she go? Don`t you people miss the cheerful Fit who always makes me people laugh? Always hyper, always laughing, always teasing people. Now people have to make her laugh. Mmm. cheerful Fit, hurry return already, wherever you are.

loml

My mind keeps returning to that very day when I leaned against him & how his chin rested nicely on my head & then I realised how perfect our hands fit into each other`s. Yes. In his words, a perfect fit for a perfect Fit (: It`s like I`ve held hands with others but I`ve never really felt like, 'Ohmy, i KNOW i want to hold this hand for the rest of my life' kinda thing. His just seem to fall nicely in place. Mmmm.

HAHA, okaye I`m ultra sappy today because I`m already missing him though we met like 5 hours ago. It`s just that I won`t see him for the next two weeks, that`s why (:

eyecandies

I caught the last 15 minutes of Mr World 2007 on Chn 5 yesterday & the moment my eyes set on Mr Spain, i was like OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHMYYYYYGODDDDDDDD...he`s so darn fly, please. hahaha. & truth be told, he was the winner! :D

the one in the middle :D

Le sigh. Are you girls hyperventilating already? :D


BUT THIS MAKES ME WEAKER!



:DDDDDD


Any resemblance? yes? no? Nazir`s smiling like a winner alrd. LOL.

okaye i`ll stop. HAHAHAHA, i jokingly mentioned that I`m gonna submit his name & pic for Mr Singapore 2008. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Anyway, it was just 2 hours but i felt really ecstatic. It was heaven to kiss those lips again & be in his embrace. & definitely HELL when he tickled me real bad. I was practically shrieking for help. HAHA. He can be soooo darn annoying sometimes. No, i mean ALL THE TIME :D

HAHA. & even though we`ve been together for a while, I`m still amazed that he`s mine. I look at him from far away and think to myself, wow, that`s my boyfriend, look at him! He`s so cute, so great, so perfect. & sooo much more. When he`s near me, I still get butterflies in my stomach and when he touches me I get the biggest smile on my face. HAHA. I`m so eternally grateful that our paths crossed. & yes, i`m totally smitten & so very hopelessly in love :D

I AM ONLY HUMAN AND THE LAST 3 HOURS HAVE PISSED THE HELL OUT OF ME. goddammit. Can someone explain to me the relationship between men and insanely LONG HOURS OF SLEEP? is there a pig in them or what?

jkldsjkfljldsfjdsjf

down in the doldrums

and i tried sleeping, but my tears refused to stop flowing. it`s already 3.30 am. sigh.

soulmate

After today, I`m more than certain i don`t wanna press my lips against anyone else`s but yours.

lost.

after every online conversation with him, I find myself bursting into tears. This is so hard :(

HP

divine

Once in your life you find someone

Who will turn your world around

Pick you up when you're feelin down

Now nothin can change what you mean to me

There`s a lot that I can say

Just hold me now

Cause our love will light the way

so she started talking to me again yesterday. & he gave me some sort of treatment. Foot spa, to be exact. Things are slowly getting back to normal. But that`s just ONE OF the things i`ve been wishing for, for things to be like how they used to. I don`t give a fucking hoot about the material things they shower me with anymore. For now, ALL i need is their understanding pertaining the issue i`m struggling with. Which i`ll never attain any time soon obviously. Above all, I wish for all of this to end. I patiently await the day I return to nazir & cry in his embrace. Fast forward 3 agonizing years. i`m dying as it is.






It`s PLAIN SAD to have to close your eyes & imagine you`re out there with the person who means the world to you, doing anything & everything, running wild & free, without any worries in the world. Yes, PLAIN SAD. i`m not gonna use any bombastic words to depict this sadness in my heart, in his heart, in OUR hearts because it doesn`t take ONE word to sum all these pain up. & then after a while, tears start stinging ur shut eyes & you realise you`ve not moved an inch. Truth, as we all know, hurts.

Walking down the streets of nothingville

Where our love was young and free

Can't believe just what an empty place

It has come to be

I would give my life away

If it could only be the same

Cause I can't still the voice inside of me

That is calling out your name

bare

The smell of your skin

The taste of your kiss

The way you whisper in the dark

Your hair all around me

Baby you surround me

You touch every place in my heart

Oh it feels like the first time every time

I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes

I wish they would know that i`m dying inside with each passing day. I wish they would know that my sanity`s hanging by a thread. I wish they would know that I no longer find any meaning in life. I wish they would know that I want to run away with him. I wish they would know that I can`t wait for three years. I wish they would know that each night, i sob silently to sleep. I wish they would know that the only place I wanna be is in his arms. I wish they would know that they HAVE TO let us be together again.

...

i just wanna cry tonight.

forbidden love

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time,
If it takes the rest of my life.

it just feels downright depressing to feel this way, to have someone so dear to you being taken out of your life by people you love as well. i find myself tearing each time i`m unoccupied coz that`s when everything keeps playing in my mind again. But what can I do? What can WE do? We can only be strong & accept our fate. Let time heal this longing for you :'(

cry me an ocean

They have NO IDEA what they just robbed from me, my heart & my soul. & to them, HAPPY 20TH ANNIVERSARY. Celebrate your love & dedication while I mourn mine. I foresee myself becoming Moaning Myrtle. But i`m being strong for the person I truly love. I will try to. I need someone to take me away.

rejtelktjkej

I find it a tad strange that people I seldom talk to in class are viewing me on Friendster. In fact, I have NEVER spoken to them. I`m not sure how they found me in the first place. HAHA. & the ones I ALWAYS talk to are taking forever to add me up. Okaye this is random. bye.

Okaye hurry already. I can`t wait to meet my sexy love later.